Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
