there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Is Oprah even human
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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