Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
