I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
