why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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