You really coming over, don't trick.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
