Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
