just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
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