i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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