Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
