we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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