It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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