My first STD was from a foam party
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
