I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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