Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I've blown a few things in my day
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
