I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
