I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
