My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wish you could order shots online.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
