i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
