i barfeds in our rink
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
