Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
