So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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