if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
