when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
