3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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