I have demons in me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
