WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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