If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
