He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
