you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
