he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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