the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
