3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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