Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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