I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
