I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
