is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
