Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
