Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
