Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
