How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
