the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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