You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
