Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
