Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
