..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
