I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
