You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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