I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
