i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
