If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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