Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
